Thursday - "Go Team!"

As a Pastor, I get asked all the time "What makes a marriage stronger?" I honestly think it boils down to a few simple things...we've discussed a couple of them already this week:

1) Keep Christ the center of your marriage
2) Trust each other
3) Communicate with each other in a positive way
4) Enjoy each other

It is this fourth component that we are going to pray about this morning. What does it mean to "enjoy" your relationship? Let's look at today's verse:

Proverbs 17:22 (NLT2) "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength."

What does it mean to have a cheerful heart and not a "broken spirit?" Simple, a cheerful heart has the right attitude and perspective of how Christ wants their marriage to be. They realize that they are part of a team...each member giving 100% to the relationship. I have heard is said many times that marriage is 50/50. I disagree. That implies that each person only gives half of what they are able to give. No, cheerful hearts give unselfishly... Cheerful hearts serve unselfishly... Cheerful hearts love unselfishly.

If you are married, you are part of a team...a whole...in the eyes of God, you are one. I understand that in many marriages, only one spouse is willing to live with a "cheerful heart" while the other seems to be a taker. However, Christ has called us to be individually accountable for our behaviour. We have to make the choice to be dedicated to our husband/wife...how they behave is their issue with God, not yours. You can't force your spouse into a cheerful heart...

Do you want to enjoy your relationship? Keep praying, listening, and serving God... give, serve, and love your spouse without bitterness... and watch your marriage blossom into exactly what God intended it to be. Go team!

Pastor Brian

Wednesday - "Drifting Off Course"

Proverbs 15:28 (NLT2) The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.

The cub scout in my boat was terrified. We looked at each other with a genuine fear...not knowing exactly where the canoe we were in was headed. It was my job to paddle this young man across the lake in a symbolic "crossing over" ceremony in the Boy Scouts. He was moving from Cub Scout to Boy Scout...and this canoe journey was symbolic of his new rank. We had started out ok...but my inexperience and lack of control of the boat had led us out to the middle of nowhere... I knew how to paddle...but it seemed that a combination of the wind and my inability to steer in a straight line had led us to this point. Little by little our tiny canoe had drifted off course....

I was thinking about today's verse in the context of our relationships...more specifically...our marriages. Many couples don't realize that the arguments that they have currently are the result of small snipes...quips...or sarcastic remarks along the way. These tiny yet hurtful jabs each day, while not powerful enough to invoke an argument at the time, add up. Before you know it, your marriage is in a canoe in the middle of nowhere...desperately trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

The Bible talks about our tongue being a rudder that steers our ship. Our words mean so much. They can be inspiring and caring marriage builders...or decay that eats away at the integrity and trust that are critical to a healthy marital relationship. Each time we get the change to communicate with our spouse, the words used should be carefully considered...not juts flippant remarks based on our mood or disposition. Words can be so positive and encouraging...or so hurful...we get to choose. Remember, you may not get to control every aspect of your marriage, but you do get to choose how you verbally react to those aspects.

Today, talk to God and ask Him to reveal to you any deficiencies in this area. Positive communication with your spouse is crucial to building a stronger connection...and, more importantly, a marriage that honors Christ.

Pastor Brian

PS: The little Cub Scout and I made it to the other side. Working together, we navigated our way back to shore... (that teamwork concept is what we are discussing tomorrow)

Tuesday - "Loyalty"

How important is loyalty? If you are in a position of leadership in a company, having loyal employees is critical. If you are picking a friend, loyalty is a crucial component of your relationship. Does this change when we begin to discuss the arena of marriage? Let's look at this morning's verse:

Proverbs 3:3 (NLT2) "Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart."

Loyalty is one of those non-negotiables when it comes to your spouse...but what does it mean to be a loyal husband or wife?

- You protect each other verbally - Speak well of your spouse even if they aren't in the room
- You are more concerned with keeping your spouse happy than the opinions of your friends
- You do not keep secrets from one another
- Your spouse comes first...before work, the kids (ouch), or other family... The only One who comes before your spouse is God

This morning I'd like you to take a quick look at that list again and run your marriage through those criteria. Are you doing all 4? Great! If not, take some time and ask God how to improve your loyalty to your beloved.

God is incredibly loyal to you. You are His priority this morning...He loves you as you start this brand new day and everyday. Let's really work together on improving our loyalty...your marriage is worth it!

Pastor Brian

Monday - Unresolved Conflict

Proverbs 29:22 (NLT2) An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.

I really don't mind rainy days, do you? The earth needs the water and I don't mind my car getting a free bath... Sunny days are great too, aren't they? You can go to the beach or the park, walk to your destination, and simply enjoy the warmth... You know which days are really annoying? The overcast ones. The gray sky. Is it going to rain or clear? Downpour or dry? Raincoat or shorts?

I've talked to a lot of married people...and that is the climate in some relationships. Grey sky. Overcast. The lingering clouds of unresolved conflict hovering above their heads. Will he be angry today and pour down? Will she lash out and hold my past against me? Will the argument that we brushed under the rug last week come back up in some strange way and flood our evening with fighting? Ever feel like that?

The Bible is quite clear about what we are supposed to do with those dark clouds that hover over our marriages:

Ephesians 4:26 "And 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, "

Marital conflict should be resolved as quickly as possible.... speak openly... communicate... share, don't attack or blame... seek understanding not victory.... listen twice as much as you speak...

It's not easy sometimes, but it is my prayer that when the storm clouds gather in your relationship, you will work very hard to turn the skies blue again.

Pastor Brian

"Integrity" - A Devotional for Thursday

Written by: Bayless Conley - Oct. 1, 2008
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/answersforeachday/

The Eighth Commandment of Marriage: Be a Person of Integrity

Exodus 20:15 gives us the eighth commandment for marriage,

You shall not steal.

You may be wondering how stealing applies to marriage. Simple. Not to steal is to be a person of integrity.

If you are always cheating or cutting corners, it will be hard for your spouse to respect you. Your uprightness should make your marriage partner feel proud. Your spouse and your family ought to testify of your integrity. This is really one of the things at the heart of a good marriage.

If you are married to somebody, and you know they cheat their customers, it is just hard to respect that person. You cannot respect someone who does not have integrity.

This is a big issue that many people fly right by. But it is vital to a healthy and vibrant marriage because it is hard to fully give yourself to someone who does not have integrity.

If you find that your spouse is holding back, if you feel like he or she does not respect you, take a look inside and see if you are compromising with your integrity. Do you cheat on your taxes? Do you tell that “little white lie” to protect yourself or gain an advantage?

Do you represent yourself one way, when in fact in your heart you believe something totally different? Are you like the man Solomon speaks of in Proverbs 23:7?

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you.

If this is an issue in your life, take it to God today. He will help you become the person of integrity He desires you to be. And when you do, you will find your spouse will come to respect you, and your marriage will be strengthened!

Written by: Bayless Conley - Oct. 1, 2008
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/answersforeachday/

Affair Proof Your Marriage Pt. 2 - A Devotional for Wednesday

Affair-Proof Your Marriage Through Intimacy—Part 2

Yesterday we learned the first step in experiencing intimacy in marriage…by creating an atmosphere for that intimacy. Today, I want us to see the results of that deliberate effort.

As we mentioned yesterday, Solomon has been complimenting his wife and affirming her. Look at her response to that affirmation in Song of Solomon 7:10,

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.

She is digging it! She is saying, “He really loves me!” Solomon’s affirmation of his bride has created this atmosphere of intimacy. And look what she says next in verse 11,

Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages.

She is grabbing Solomon’s hand and saying, “Let’s get a hotel room!” Then there are verses 12-13,

Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

Friend, catch what is going on. Solomon has affirmed his wife saying, “Honey, you are beautiful! I am so glad I married you. I married out of my league. You are wonderful. Your body is great. I am so happy!”

Her response? “Wow, he loves me. I’ll tell you what, let’s go away and have a little love vacation. Let’s take a few days off.” That is enough to get any husband inspired to rent a hotel room!

If you want to affair-proof your marriage, make intimacy a priority!

Written by: Bayless Conley
Copied from (Sept. 30): http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/answersforeachday/

"Affair Proof Your Marriage" - A Devotional for Tuesday

Note: We are joining this study on the third day...if you'd like to read the first two sections...please go to the link at the bottom of this post... BV

Affair-Proof Your Marriage Through Intimacy

In the last two devotionals, we have learned that we can affair-proof our marriages through positive affirmation and companionship. The third way to affair-proof your marriage is by making intimacy a priority.

Let me take you back to the Scripture we read yesterday, Song of Solomon 7:10-13,

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

These verses paint a beautiful picture of intimacy between a husband and wife. Couples need to have physical intimacy. In fact, the New Testament commands the husband and wife not to deprive one another except by mutual consent, and then only if they are going to fast and pray.

So how do you create an atmosphere of intimacy? It starts with affirming your spouse. Notice that Solomon has been affirming his wife, complimenting her, building her up.

Now guys, you need to understand that women are wired differently than you. In order for a woman to be intimate, she needs to speak and be spoken to. You have to create an atmosphere for intimacy.

For most husbands, they just catch a glimpse of their wife in the shower and they are ready to go. But for women, it starts differently than that. She is aroused by words, sincere words, and it usually starts around breakfast time.

Take time today to create an atmosphere of intimacy. If you do, you will be on your way to experiencing true intimacy, as we will see in tomorrow’s devotional.

Written by: Bayless Conley
Source 9/29/08 http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/answersforeachday/

"Truth Spoken in Love" - A Devotional for Monday

This week, we're going to look at some devotionals written by some of my favorite Pastors...all of them connected to last week's topic of marriage and relationships..

I hope they touch your heart as they have mine...

TRUTH SPOKEN IN LOVE
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read Job 2:10

I'm impressed that Job listened to the words of his wife. He pondered them, he considered them, he turned them over in his mind. He neither misunderstood nor ignored her. He heard what she said, and he didn't interrupt her as she said it. That places Job in a unique category among husbands, quite frankly.

Men, I've found that most of us are not hard of hearing; we're hard of listening. Our wives frequently have the most important things to say that we will hear that day, but for some strange reason, we have formed the habit of mentally turning off their counsel.

Let me add here, when you do respond, always tell her the truth. If what she says is wise and squares with what you know to be truth---if it is helpful---then say so. And thank her. If it is not, say that. Job disagreed and said so. His response after hearing her was, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks."

Job detected in his wife a snag of bitterness, some disillusionment; so he said to her, in effect, "This is advice I cannot and will not act on. It isn't wise. It's wrong counsel, and I can't accept it."

In the four decades I've been dealing with folks who are married, I find one of the most difficult things to get couples to do is say the truth to each other. Admit when we've done wrong rather than skirt it or rationalize around it or excuse it---just say, "I was wrong." Or if we hear our mates say something we know is not wise, or we detect a questionable motive, we tend not to say the hard thing. How much better to respond, "You know, honey, I realize you've got my good at heart, but I honestly have to say that I don't agree with it. I think it is unwise for you to suggest that." In the long haul, your marriage will be healthier if you will allow truth to prevail, especially if it's truth spoken in love. Listen well, and always speak the truth wrapped in loving care.

Copied from Sept 27/28: http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/daybyday/

See you tomorrow!
Pastor Brian